It has been a long time.

There are so many things that I need to share. This post will be a long one, but I hope that you will find it to be worth it. Since I last posted, I have begun to face on of the major demons that I have in my life. Hi, my name is Shae, and I am a food addict. When I was 14, I began my battle with bulimia. I was a lucky person to beat the hardest part of this disease early on in the process. I stopped the "Throwing Up Action" about 6 months into it. That is the part that people go running back to. NOT ME!! I continued to binge on food after I stopped throwing up. My weight went up rapidly, and then I started Colorguard at my high school, which kept me moving and maintaining. After high school, I gained 50 lbs in 5 years due to my bingeing,and the fact that I had PCOS, which makes it very difficult to lose weight. I wasn't able to maintain anymore. Needless to say, I ignored this problem for 12 years,, thinking it wasn't that bad, and that I would be ok, and snap out of it, and my life would be picture perfect. Over the last few months, I have started attending 12 step meetings, to help keep me accountable for my actions. When i told my husband what had been going on, he felt betrayed. He felt like he couldn't trust me for a while, because I had kept such a secret from him. My parents seemed upset as well, but they showed that they would support me in any way that they could. I am so grateful for that. My husband and I have been able to work through that trust issue, and now we are more aware of each other's needs. One of the first things they tell you to do when you begin to face a food addiction, is to stop dieting. I can't even tell you how hard that step was for me. I have been dieting most of my life, and I wasn't thinking I should stop. I did stop though. I have begun to repair my relationship with food. It is fuel for my body. I can find comfort in different ways. To eliminate some stress in my life, I stepped down from my management position at my work. It has been a bit of a struggle financially, but we have been blessed to still be making it. I have begun a new eating program that will hopefully help me lose the weight that I need to, and to still have a good relationship wih food. I will keep you posted on this journey!

What I learned tonight!

So, I should update a little more how things have been going for me. I have been able to continue my program until now. We have run out of money, and there is no way that I can continue on it.
Tonight, I found the key for me! There is a breakdown of what you should be consuming and how to personalize it for you. I am so excited to have learned this! I now know that I have the tool to my success! I'm not ready to share my tool yet, but I will share it once I reach my next weight loss goal!

VICTORY!!!!!!!!!!

I am finally under 200 lbs! I am so proud of everything I have been doing! Everyone is seeing results on me! I am 2 pant sizes smaller, and those are starting to feel big! My next goal is to get under 190 lbs!
Thank you all for your continual support of me and my goals!

PROGRESS REPORT

So far on my program, I have lost 16 pounds, and a whopping 29.5 inches! I am feeling fabulous! This program really is working for me! The weight is coming off slower than it did at first, but there are a couple of factors to that. My PCOS makes it awful hard for weight loss. There is a lot of stress in my life, and I am learning how to handle it better than turning to food. We have no money for the things we need, and I know this will be the last month I can afford this program. I think that I have the tools to do what I need to do to continue though.
But, I did have a personal victory yesterday that I needed to share. I have had these pants that I absolutely adore! They are khaki corduroy pants that are super cute on me, and they have super cute pockets as well. I haven't been able to wear them for about 3 1/2 years, and they fit yesterday! I wore them to work and everything! :) It was a great day! I am truly blessed!

I FEEL PRETTY! OH SO PRETTY!

So, yesterday for the first time in a really long time, I felt pretty. I got ready for the day, and felt confident all day long. It was very eye opening of how I have been thinking of myself. I truly feel good in my own skin, and that's a first in at least the last 2 years I have had this blog. I've had moments, but not a whole day. This morning I'm still feeling pretty good, but not quite as good as yesterday.
We keep hearing in our lives that we are our own worst critic. I've never known those words to be true until this moment. I had posted how I felt on my facebook yesterday, and I had a couple of really sweet friends point out that they always thought I was gorgeous. I think the last time I felt truly gorgeous before yesterday was on my honeymoon 4 years ago. My husband would always tell me how beautiful and gorgeous he thought I was, but it was hard for me to personally believe, because I was so afraid that he was only saying that to me because he loved me, and that he knew it would make me feel good, rather than being the truth. This is no fault on him at all. This is all me. Because of the way I reacted, he didn't call me those things as often anymore, and I started slipping into a depression without realizing, and started eating myself into a fat woman, I guess to protect myself from getting hurt. I felt I could always blame it on being fat.
I have realized now that I can't hide behind my weight forever. I need to let my beautiful self touch more and more people, and the more confident I feel, the more my beauty starts to come out. I need to just embrace the Beautiful Minnie inside, and let her shine!
Here's to a new year, and a new Minnie!

How did I handle Idaho?

NOT WELL!!! I really ate what I wanted, but I did try to eat smaller portions and to eat relatively healthy. It worked out for the most part, because my grandpa is diabetic, and we are really trying to keep his blood sugar down, so it was easier to make good decisions. I did say no to Jack in the Box, which is a personal win, becuase I LOVE THAT PLACE!!!
I didn't really work out while I was there either. The Curves was closed all the days I was there, and I couldn't bring myself to work out at my grandparents house with everyone there. Working out by myself doesn't work so well, I've decided.
Well, I am lucky, and I didn't gain anything while I was gone, so I am still 206. I really wanted to be under 200, but this is my currently reality. Today is a new day. I am back on my plan, and more motivated than ever! My next goal is to be to my wedding weight by Valentine's Day, which is about 14 lbs. Considering I lost 13 this last month, even with my bad moments, I think I can lose 14 in the next 6 weeks!
Wish me luck!