The reason I feel this is necessary is that I don't feel accountable to anyone about my weight loss, so I become a slacker. Now, I am making myself more accountable for my actions.The biggest reason for this blog is that I have big goals, and I need to loose weight to accomplish most of them.
First, I want kids. I would desperately love to be pregnant right now. My body isn't ready for it. I am now doing everything in my power that I know how to do to make this happen. My wonderful doctor has informed me that I have PCOS, and to help my pregnancy, I need to at least weigh in the 160's before he will feel comfortable letting me be pregnant. Well, at a whopping 216 lbs, that's still a ways off. (Yes, that is truly what I weigh, whether you believe that it's that much or not.) I need to make it happen. For the sake of my future family, and being there, and being healthy for them, I NEED to make this happen.
Secondly, my husband has had a rough life. I truly feel like he deserves a trophy wife, not some fat one. He is constantly telling me that the weight doesn't matter to him, but it matters to me. It may be shallow, but when we show up to his 10 year reunion, I don't want people thinking,
"Oh, that's the kind of person I thought he would end up with." I want them to think, "DANG!! He picked up a HOTTIE!! How did he get that girl?" I want them to say that, because my husband is amazing, and deserves a lot of things that he doesn't, or can't have right now.
Thirdly, I am sick of looking in the mirror and wanting to cry. I don't like to cry. I've cried a lot in my life time, for a lot of different reasons. Some good, some not so good. But I don't want to cry over what I look like anymore. I don't want to be that person anymore. That person in me needs to die! The person that looks at me and says, "You're amazing and beautiful!" needs to come to the foreground, and be the person that I am.
I can't stand and look at myself in the mirror, and say that I am beautiful. I can't say it and believe it I should say. I can stand and say it all day long, but I won't believe myself at this point in my life, and I don't want to be that person ever again!
Time for change baby! Here I come!
5 comments:
You have always been a beautiful hottie!
Luv ya!
Shala!
Thank you for inviting me to view this blog. I will be your biggest cheerleader next to your sweet family. You are an amazing young lady! You are so beautiful! I have always thought the world of you. I wish you the very best! And just to clear something up right now, Caleb ALREADY has a trophy wife!!! I love you!
Thanks to you both! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes!
I will follow this blog and hope that in your journey, I will be inspired as well. What we see in the mirror is never going to be good enough until we feel good about ourselves in every area. I think we are all challenged with this...good for you to tackle it! Even when you see a "hottie" most of the time they look in the mirror and see something else. I wish all of us were able to see all of our talents and know that we each have different ways to shine...some aren't the outside image. You have so much to offer in lieu of a great body. Good luck in becoming healthy! Go Shala!
Thanks Rendi!
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