Why am I fat?

I am currently reading a book, and it is asking me why am I a compulsive eater. Well, I have been thinking over it the last couple of days. The only thing I can think, is that I was really hurt when I was called fat when I was young. (For more details about that story, go back towards the beginning of the blog. I believe it's the second post.) I feel like that kind of pegged me for life. I have always felt like everyone looks at me and only sees "THE FAT GIRL", so I became her.
I had a really good childhood for the most part. I watched my amazing dad battle his weight most of my life. I wish I knew how to help myself, as well as my dad, in getting to where we are new healthy people who are happy. For the most part, I am happy with where I am at in my life. I know that some stresses in my marriage that I don't care to share at this time are part of why I have been eating more lately and gaining more. I feel like my hubby keeps putting off something that is extremely important to me in my life, and that he is going to just want to get rid of me. I feel like I am sabotaging my goals, because I know I will get left eventually, so why not make it sooner rather than later.
I know that in all reality, that these things aren't true. Yes, my hubby is procrastinating, but he continues to prove to me over and over again that he really does love me in the only way he knows how. I need to know that he will always love me. I know my size doesn't matter to him, unless I got to the point where I weighed like 500 lbs. But, he knows how much this journey means to me, and he continues to be as supportive as I let him. (Yes, I am stubborn, and won't always let him into my head. Sometimes he learns about me from this blog.)
When it comes down to it, I just have always felt like I have been pegged as the fat girl, and I am ready to stop being the fat girl. I am ready to become me, Shae, who has so much to live for, and I am so grateful for all of the wonderful people in my life, and my wonderful work, and I really do have a lot of joy in my life. I just need to be more positive.
I know that I have lost readers lately, because I haven't been posting, but I hope with all of my heart that you will all come back and help bolster me up.
All my love,
The new Shae!